To my dear friend, Bruno, or Brunyes as I often referred to you as, because Bruno was too negative. My puppy, my buddy, my protector. I'm sorry I let you down. Adopting you was so exciting. I had seen your profile on the humane society website and fell in love. You warmed up to me right away when I met you, and I took you home that same day. A German Shepherd/Corgi Mix. I knew because of how beautiful you looked that you would get adopted super fast so I even had a hold put on you so I could decide for sure if I would adopt you. You ticked all the boxes of what I was looking for in a dog. You were quieter, wanted to be the only dog in the house but could handle other dogs, you would do better in a smaller space, etc. I had waited years to own a dog. I took you to Petsmart, and bought you a toy, a food and water bowl, and a harness. The toy was a pheasant, you tore it up quickly, and yet I still kept it and am currently looking at it. You would occasionally still play with it even with all the stuffing out of it, and squeaker gone. The staff at PetSmart loved you. People talked about how well behaved you were that first day. You stood quietly while we waited for a staff member to fit you for a harness. Even when I took you to the vet for a checkup and vaccine booster, the vet said you were a 10/10 patient. You sat next to me on the bench as we waited for the vet and weren't aggressive at all towards them. You didn't even notice when you were getting the shots.
You warmed up to living in my apartment quickly. You would watch people walk by out the patio door, as well as squirrels and bunnies. You really wanted those bunnies. We could never leave anything on our coffee table, because you liked to sit on it. I remember looking in the patio door as I made my way to the apartment to see you sitting on the coffee table. You would also occasionally sit on one of the chairs at the kitchen table. One of the first things you did when arriving at the apartment was climb right on the couch. You would lay anywhere that was comfy. My faux fur rug, my bed, and even the bath mat in the bathroom when I was getting ready to go somewhere. You ended up finding my volleyball and claimed it as yours, and started ripping it up, and I couldn't even be mad. You were completely relaxed and felt so safe living with me, which is why it makes this even harder. You would often fall asleep on your back, lay your head on my leg, and would occasionally lay in my lap.
I took you to the nearest dog park which we would spend a lot of time at. It was the only way I knew for sure you would go poop before I went to work. You didn't like pooping while on a leash, but usually eventually would on longer walks. The first time I took you to the dog park you were terrified of the other dogs. You jumped up against my legs when another dog would approach you, as the hair stood up on your back. You eventually got used to being around the other dogs and even started to play with them. I was so proud. Another dog owner commented that you were warming up at a quicker pace then most rescue dogs. You liked running with the other dogs the most, and man even with short legs you could run so quick. I'm happy that the day before I took you back to the humane society that you had the dog park all to yourself and could run all around freely. You enjoyed pup cups, frozen peanut butter kongs, squeaky toys, and chew toys. You loved chasing the flashlight light when it shone on the ground. You loved going for walks around the neighborhood, and walked good on a harness unless you saw a squirrel, then you would pull. :) In the mornings when I'd first wake up and talk to you, you would lean in closer as if catching every word, or maybe you just liked my morning breath a little too much. 🤪
You loved my roommate, and would whine at my bedroom door when she got ready for work in the mornings. You were a good sleeper at night. You let me sleep all night without waking me up unreasonably early. The first week I had you, you were comfortable around my friends when they visited the apartment and super calm. My sister in law and brother also visited after a week of owning you, however you barked at my brother and even growled a little. You eventually stopped barking after he gave you a treat, and I remained calm. After like 15 minutes you started barking again, and were able to be redirected again. That was one of my main reasons for having to bring you back.
You were really calm around most people while on leash and out on walks, but then you started barking more and more at people. If I was talking to one of my apartment neighbors outside, you barked at them and wouldn't stop barking. If I walked you in the hallway of the apartment building and someone was standing outside the door or came outside of their apartment you would lunge and bark at them. I was able to hold you back, but started taking you in situations where I could avoid as much human interaction as possible. I think a lot of my neighbors became afraid of you, and I couldn't blame them. I don't know what you would have done, had you been off leash. If you would have just barked at them or actually attacked. The vet hadn't been afraid of this behavior and told me to try and distract you before you would notice the people around. Which worked somewhat, except for the people close by. I had a dog trainer come to do a free evaluation, and you couldn't even be in the same room with him because you wouldn't stop barking at him, and even growled as he left.
The 2nd main issue which lead to me bringing you back didn't occur until almost three weeks of having you. We were at the dog park, and you attacked another dog. In your file at the humane society it said you had attacked another dog, but it was because they were after your dog food, which made sense. The dog at the dog park had just been curious, and was coming to greet you. I had never seen you act this way so I was confused. The other dog owner was gracious and didn't get mad, thankfully, but a few days later I went to my parent's house for Mother's Day weekend for the first time since owning you. Everything was great at first. You were afraid at first, but then you began warming up to my parents and their dog Drake. You explored the yard and even played with Drake, but then while inside you attacked Drake and it was unprovoked. I had walked into another room to get something and both you and Drake followed. You must have not had liked that Drake was also following me, because you attacked him. The fight was broken up, and nothing else happened that evening. Both you and Drake relaxed, although Drake was definitely more afraid of you now and kept his distance. Attack 2 and then 3 happened the next day. Again unprovoked you attacked Drake, Drake who was almost twice your size. The fight was again pulled apart and my dad tried to scare you into not doing it again, but you did. You both were outside playing and getting along well and playing fetch with each other. After playing you were both just walking around the yard when the final attack came. This one was the worst. I got to the fight first, but was unable to pull the dogs apart. My dad was finally able to, but said if I had been alone and this happened there would have been no way I would have been able to pull them apart and he probably would have killed Drake. My dad got mad, and I thought for sure had definitely scared you into not even thinking about ever attacking Drake again, but even so I didn't want to risk it, and bought you a muzzle. While you were in the room together you had to be muzzled to prevent other attacks. You looked so sad with the muzzle on, but I couldn't even be sorry for you. You continued to growl at Drake 2 other times even while muzzled which makes me think there would have definitely been more attacks.
I planned to surrender you to the humane society the day after Mother's Day, but when it came to the actual day I just couldn't do it, and kept you for 2.5 more weeks, and I'm actually glad that I did, because that means I prolonged your life for that much longer. I made the decision to surrender you and set up the appointment which occurred on Friday, May 31st. Since it took over a week to get you in for the appointment so the behavioral team I thought I had gotten used to the idea of surrendering you, and acceptance with it. While setting up the appointment they had said over the phone that there was a chance of euthanasia. I knew you were a good boy with a few issues so I wasn't worried, and then yesterday came, and man was that one of the hardest moments of my life.
I came home early from work and let you out to go to the bathroom for the last time at the apartments. You were so excited to see me home early, and greeted me at the door like you always did. With so much excitement. I decided to bring along your favorite toy and your dog bed that you frequently used. You pulled on the leash towards the car. We drove to the humane society and I left you in the car when I went inside to tell them that you were out in the car. I second guessed my decision as I brought you in. Then the worst moment. The last time I saw you, the last time that I didn't know would be the last time ever. They had me walk you into the kennel. You were cautious when you got to the room of kennels, probably due to deja vu of having done this before. You came right into the kennel when I stepped in there. I pet you and unclipped your harness, and then the worker closed the kennel. You jumped up against the kennel while crying, maybe you realized what was happening at that point. I walked away as I heard you cry, and continued to hear your cries from the front room. I had broken down and was crying as well, man it felt so heartbreaking to leave you there in that small kennel, as you pleaded for me to come back, and that having to be my last memory of you. I thought about how beautiful of a dog you were. (And now my heart breaks even more as I think about how your last moments will be spent in that kennel wondering where I went instead of being with me, and I'm so sorry about that. I honestly didn't know you wouldnt be adopted out again. )
I talked to the behavioral staff for awhile giving details of what had happened, so the next owner could have specific details, and know what they were getting into. I even made a document for the next owners highlighting your likes/dislikes and other things I had noticed from being your owner. I included my personal information so the next owners could let me know how you were doing. While talking to the behavioral staff I realized that you might not be going to a new owner afterall, and that was confirmed an hour after coming home. You were set to be euthanized, and I couldn't stop crying. You weren't "bad" enough to be euthanized, and I was letting them take your life. You didn't deserve that. You deserved an owner that could get you properly trained. You were only 2.5 years old. Those sad puppy eyes and jumping up against the kennel suddenly meant so much more. They put your dog bed and favorite toy in the kennel, and I hope that it brought you some comfort. I am so sorry Bruno, and I love you so much. In my head I liken it to abortion. I know they're way different from each other, but the staff telling me it was the best option for you and convincing me made me think that. They both end a life prematurely. I thought about coming to rescue you and trying to rehome you myself. Maybe the last owner had purposely left out information about you so you could have another chance. It did prolong your life a little longer if that were the case, and I am thankful that we met and for the time we got to spend together.
Today I went to a party, and afterwards wondered if they had taken your life yet. I called the humane society to ask. They told me you were still alive, and I asked if I could be there for your last moments, but they said it wouldn't be allowed. I wanted so badly to see you so I asked if I could at least give you a proper goodbye, but after discussing it with your other staff I was told that also wouldn't be allowed, due to it being too stressful for you. God I wish I could see you one last time, to tell you how much I loved you and how much of a good boy you were. I'm honored and blessed and thank God that I got to spend 1.5 months with you, and that your last days were so happy, and that you'll have happy memories of our times together, and I hope you can forgive me. I am so heartbroken, the apartment seems emptier, I see all your toys around the house, your food bowl with one piece of dog food left in the bowl, your white fur all over my black sweater. The spot in my bed where you used to lay, and all the other things that remind me of you. I thank you for making me laugh by being your goofy self, for providing me comfort, for adventurous walks around the neighborhood, and for making sure I was safe. Thank you for following me everywhere.
I hope that this is what God wanted me to do. I keep telling myself that it was the right decision so you no longer have to be stressed when seeing strangers. You could have really hurt someone, and I hope this was the best way of making sure that you wouldn't. I know if I hadn't brought you in on Friday, you'd still be alive. Although I feel like I didn't give you enough of a chance to not have to be euthanized. Maybe you could have been rehomed, but maybe you would have severely hurt someone maybe a child. I guess I'll never know for sure, and continue to wonder if this was the best option for you, but I hope you know how loved you were while you were with me, and I hope we get to meet again someday. I know that whatever happens that God is good, and worthy to be praised in all situations even when it hurts.
Again, I'm so sorry, and I love you so much. You were such a good boy.
-Alex
Update and PS:
It looks like you left the Earth on 6/03/2024. But they told me everything went smoothly. You were with the staff that adored you, and that you loved too, and they fed you treats in your last moments. I'm sorry you had to spend Saturday and Sunday in the small kennel but I hope that they had visited you to give you extra comfort, and that you found comfort in your dog bed and toy from home. I think I'll let them keep the dog bed and toy in that kennel to bring comfort to another dog in the future who comes to the shelter. The Bible doesn't say what happens to animals after they die, so I can only hope to see you again one day, but I am at peace knowing that in your last moments you weren't alone. You weren't alone with just you and the vet, you were surrounded by love, even when they wouldn't allow me to be there. It seemed like you were a 10/10 patient even to the end. I ordered a keychain with your face on it to look at daily in memory of you. You will not be forgotten.
