I am a single woman, more importantly a single Christian woman. No hookups or fake relationships but real ones. One's I know will last. I genuinely believe a godly relationship and godly friendships are the best ones you can have, here's why.
I'll start out talking about romantic relationships, and start off with this statement. Almost everyone has a husband or wife out there when they're single. Waiting for the right timing to come into our lives. So when you're dating someone you should see a potential for marriage. You also should be very careful within a relationship until your married to make sure you're being respectful of that someone else's wife or husband if they end up not being your own. You should be able to be friends once the relationship ends, because things never went farther then they were supposed to. Wouldn't it be so much more worthwhile for you and your husband to remain pure, untouched, giving 100% of yourself to your husband/wife like God intended.
This was God's intention, but its rare for people to have a relationship like this. Desires and lust take over, and it doesn't matter. Our society puts such a big emphasis on being in a relationship as well as being sexually active, basically saying that if you're single and/or a virgin you must be really ugly or really hard to love. Those lies are so loud that it's so easy to believe them. I used to.
Having just left high school, and being treated poorly there, I thought guys would find me as unattractive as the ones in high school did. I was wrong, and I hung out with the first guy who liked me. We were opposites, and I knew I wasn't ever going to marry but somehow I stuck with him. I acted on emotion rather than real love. Our relationship went fast, so much so I don't even know if I should refer to it as a real relationship. Doing things, then questioning why they happened after only knowing each other a really short time. Society is convincing though, as I stated before. Convincing and Loud. I really thought I loved him, even knowing we'd probably never make it.
His feelings were temporary. In life he was never satisfied. Trying to find something to fill an empty void within himself. We stopped intentionally seeing each other, but would still each other pretty often due to living on the same floor. I felt bad for him but was also disgusted by him. (I'm fine now, he's been fully forgiven). Our friendship was ruined, hearts were unprotected, and we acted on emotion. Devastating heartbreak. It could of all been avoided with a godly foundation. With a godly foundation your heart is protected, and you don't act on emotion. You may still experience sadness after a break up, but it will be fast-healing because little damage will be done.
What I should of done, was just remain his friend. He was in a time of finding out who he was and what he believed in. Until you know what you believe in, your relationship will be unstable. After being around him in social events, I would of noticed this and know that he wasn't the best option or an option at all. I would have politely declined him, and moved on with my life. I was vulnerable when I started college, however but God has taught me so much through this experience.
You would think it would of been over, once this "relationship" ended but it didn't. While I was grieving the lost relationship I entered the wrong place at the wrong time. It's still hard to believe it happened. But after this "break up" I was even more vulnerable. Another guy, one who must be able to pick up on vulnerable women came over by me. He was very sneaky and I was blindsided. He was in a different place then me in life, being 25, and I at the time 18. I could see the age difference, and was not interested in anything more, and I thought surely that he didn't want anything to do with me either. I was wrong.
He played it safe, and treated me as a friend. Just a friend, that was all that I wanted. I even thought of him as an older brother. (Just thinking back to that, makes me sick.) Since I didn't pick up on his motives, I thought it would be completely harmless when he invited me to his room. Promising we would just "hang out." I soon realized his intentions with me, and once he found out I was still a virgin, I was even more irresistible. He manipulated me until I trusted him. Ignoring my conscious that was clearly shouting. The voice of society was even louder. Deafening.
I remember him bragging about all the women he had ever had sex with. (I'm pretty sure the number was in the 40's). He wanted to have sex with me to, but I was indecisive on what that would mean. I prayed to God for a solution, and was able to escape the situation. A few days later I gave my life to Jesus. I had always believed in God, but I truly put him as the center of my life at that point. He saved me from something I would so majorly regret. I'd be a number. A woman who had lost her virginity to a manipulative man. It would have hurt me beyond belief if I had gone through with it. Not being able to give my virginity to my husband, after having given it to such a corrupted person.
After having given my life to Jesus I clearly heard him say to longer contact him anymore. I obeyed, and told him to not speak to me again. I was worried that he would just prey on another helpless girl like I had been. I'm happy to say that was the last time I was ever with a person I didn't see potential in. I've had to reject some people, and distance myself to protect my heart as well as theirs. It's a hard thing to do, and seems picky, but its the least painful route. I don't want to spend time on relationships that will go nowhere and hurt in the end. People who act on emotion, and aren't picky usually end up breaking up or it ends in divorce. I want a relationship with a strong foundation. A good foundation can be built through the mutual love of Jesus. Things usually fall apart when Jesus isn't in the center of our relationships or even friendships.
A short paragraph on friendships. Since I have followed Jesus for real, I have had the strongest friendships. I'm sure that most of these friendships I have made through church will be long-lasting. These friends are intentional about checking up on you, and seeing you. These friends see the value in who you are, and encourage you to be greater. These friends discuss Jesus with you. These friends don't only talk about themselves or their circumstances. These friends pray for you when you need something. Etc. I could go on and on. There's so much love in these friendships, and I feel so valued. This is how God intended friendships to be. Though not as perfect since human's are not perfect.
Thursday, March 29, 2018
Saturday, March 17, 2018
I Was an Outcast
People were mean, and I seemed to be bullied for no reason, all throughout my schooling years. Starting in 4K. I guess that's not normal. Kindergarten and 1st grade are supposed to be amazing, but I didn't experience that. By the time you enter high school, you have a label that sticks with you, that you can't rid yourself of. You are the label, and nothing else. I thought for sure mine was "The literal scum of the Earth, girl with ugly curly hair that's quiet, and hangs around with the weird people." I along with some of my group of friends were treated poorly. People would talk about us behind our backs. Before writing this post I remember one moment in particular that has stuck with me.
My school had a thing where every two years they would take a trip to Washington D.C. and New York during one week of the summer. I and a few of my friends signed up. For our day in New York City we went to the Hard Rock Café for lunch. It got fairly full, me and my 3 other friends sharing a booth. A booth that could fit 3 people on each side, so we had room. Two guys who were considered kind of popular were placed with us by a waitress. A group of popular kids pulled up extra chairs to their table, and they decided to sit with them, which was fine. However what followed was not okay. A few weeks later there was a group picture of the two guys sitting at the table at the Hard Rock Café with the caption "We saved you." (This was on Facebook).
Saved you from what? Was it so terrible that you almost had to sit with us? If you had stayed with us maybe you would of learned something. That we really weren't as grotesque as our labels. I was also the talk on Facebook at least 4x I'm aware of. The ones I wasn't supposed to see, but came upon, so who knows how much more there were.
I literally came to think of myself as being "too ugly", no one dared have a crush on me, or any of my other friends. So I just accepted it. I was probably one of the ugliest girls in our grade. (Of course I don't believe that anymore, but labels are so sticky, and seemingly brainwashing.)
Another thing I was labeled with in school was being the "quiet girl". It wasn't because I didn't have anything to say, but because my self-esteem became so low, and if I spoke no one would care to listen anyway. (Which is why I think it's so important to give voice to the ones people overlook.) I was mostly quiet during my classes, but once with my friends I was loud, and I really do think being together encouraged us to talk. Before I hung around some of these people, they just wouldn't talk. But after a little time being friends, they were now the loud ones. There voices were heard in our friend group and validated, and that made things okay. We were in this together. The "leftovers" together. Not the "leftovers" alone. The ones just trying to survive high school, which I can gladly say we all did.
Some people think if I would of hung out with the people I did, I'd be more accepted. First of all, how dare you!? You don't know me, and you don't really know any of them. You haven't even given me or any of them the time of day, so why do you assume they're so insignificant? Everyone's life has a purpose, and to treat some people like they're not important, like their life doesn't matter, or how low of a purpose they have compared to you. Sorry, not sorry, but that is evil. I'm glad I was part of the group of people that I was, I didn't have to act evil to anyone. I just accepted anyone, especially those who felt they weren't special, and honestly that's so important. Looking at a person, and truly seeing them.
To end, treat people nicely whoever they are. They deserve it, and their life has meaning. So treat them that way.
This is kind of off topic but really confused me about high school. A lot of the guys acted like total morons. Even the smart ones acted like they were 10 years old. I'm not kidding, I wish I were. Like they made fun of such childish things. Wow you have train tracks on your teeth (braces). I'm sorry but this is high school....focus on something else. They also answered questions as if they were 10 years old and didn't know anything. I know they say boys are immature, but this took it to such an extreme level, and I've never met a guy who acted in such a way since then. It's hard for me to even explain accurately how they acted because it just doesn't make any sense.
My school had a thing where every two years they would take a trip to Washington D.C. and New York during one week of the summer. I and a few of my friends signed up. For our day in New York City we went to the Hard Rock Café for lunch. It got fairly full, me and my 3 other friends sharing a booth. A booth that could fit 3 people on each side, so we had room. Two guys who were considered kind of popular were placed with us by a waitress. A group of popular kids pulled up extra chairs to their table, and they decided to sit with them, which was fine. However what followed was not okay. A few weeks later there was a group picture of the two guys sitting at the table at the Hard Rock Café with the caption "We saved you." (This was on Facebook).
Saved you from what? Was it so terrible that you almost had to sit with us? If you had stayed with us maybe you would of learned something. That we really weren't as grotesque as our labels. I was also the talk on Facebook at least 4x I'm aware of. The ones I wasn't supposed to see, but came upon, so who knows how much more there were.
I literally came to think of myself as being "too ugly", no one dared have a crush on me, or any of my other friends. So I just accepted it. I was probably one of the ugliest girls in our grade. (Of course I don't believe that anymore, but labels are so sticky, and seemingly brainwashing.)
Another thing I was labeled with in school was being the "quiet girl". It wasn't because I didn't have anything to say, but because my self-esteem became so low, and if I spoke no one would care to listen anyway. (Which is why I think it's so important to give voice to the ones people overlook.) I was mostly quiet during my classes, but once with my friends I was loud, and I really do think being together encouraged us to talk. Before I hung around some of these people, they just wouldn't talk. But after a little time being friends, they were now the loud ones. There voices were heard in our friend group and validated, and that made things okay. We were in this together. The "leftovers" together. Not the "leftovers" alone. The ones just trying to survive high school, which I can gladly say we all did.
Some people think if I would of hung out with the people I did, I'd be more accepted. First of all, how dare you!? You don't know me, and you don't really know any of them. You haven't even given me or any of them the time of day, so why do you assume they're so insignificant? Everyone's life has a purpose, and to treat some people like they're not important, like their life doesn't matter, or how low of a purpose they have compared to you. Sorry, not sorry, but that is evil. I'm glad I was part of the group of people that I was, I didn't have to act evil to anyone. I just accepted anyone, especially those who felt they weren't special, and honestly that's so important. Looking at a person, and truly seeing them.
To end, treat people nicely whoever they are. They deserve it, and their life has meaning. So treat them that way.
This is kind of off topic but really confused me about high school. A lot of the guys acted like total morons. Even the smart ones acted like they were 10 years old. I'm not kidding, I wish I were. Like they made fun of such childish things. Wow you have train tracks on your teeth (braces). I'm sorry but this is high school....focus on something else. They also answered questions as if they were 10 years old and didn't know anything. I know they say boys are immature, but this took it to such an extreme level, and I've never met a guy who acted in such a way since then. It's hard for me to even explain accurately how they acted because it just doesn't make any sense.
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