God's Sense of Humor

           There's no doubt that God likes to keep life interesting. An example of one of the adventures God puts us on in life happened to me last night.

            Earlier that night around 7 I went to an all ladies prayer/testimony night in Kenosha at the Living Light there. I had been invited because one of the topics they were discussing that night was anxiety, along with fear, depression, and hopelessness. It was everything I needed to hear, and the whole time there was just awesome. (Especially since my anxiety seemed to be worse than normal this week)  One of the things the speaker talked about was, discussing your fears with God so he could help you face them, or tell you what is true about them.  My anxiety also got prayed over by some people in the congregation. Then afterwards I sought off to go to a birthday party. Nothing unusual happened at the party, the adventure came afterwards.

             I left the house a little after one, and traveled to Racine. Which usually would have made me anxious as for some reason driving at night sometimes makes me anxious and sometimes not in different seasons. It hadn't been in awhile but I was in one of those seasons where it did. What also makes me anxious when I drive is feeling tired, as it was late so I was. (I hadn't stayed up past 1 in awhile).  I felt pretty at peace. Even when the adventure started.

           I made it to the place I am staying at in Racine, but I couldn't find my house key, and shocker besides being fine before my phone turned itself on, and my car charger which I just bought and had worked decided not too. It's hard to see in your car at night when its an old car with no lights you can click on. I only had like two minutes to look before my lights turned off in my car. I checked my pockets, and came to the conclusion I had probably left them in Kenosha. (The house was 40 minutes away, so I decided that wouldn't be the best idea to go back too, especially at what was now almost two in the morning. I decided to go to the addresses of houses I had of people in my church to sleep at for the night. Being in a city, weird people at night are more rampant (strange people in general probably) so it was no wonder that the first house I tried didn't come to the door. I decided to try another house. (I figured sleeping in my car would be too dangerous, I didn't think about the fact its the middle of winter.) This one had a dog so the dog woke the people up there. It was now like 2:15, in the morning so I'm pretty sure they were more scared than I was when they heard a knock on their door. Despite being perfectly fine, when they asked if I was okay my voice became shaky like there was something wrong. I took a breath and got the story out calmly, and they let me in. They found a charger for my phone, and as I was about to fall asleep. I heard in my mind, check your coat pocket again, and my key was there........

Seasons of Life

        Recently I've been asked a lot, like you do at this time of year: How was your Christmas Break? My whole being wants to say "Yes, it was great!" but that would be partially lying, The truth is, I struggled a lot, at least the first part of break.

          I battled through anxiety to the point where it felt like I was carrying the chains of anxiety again wherever I went. Anxiety I thought I had been finally free from. During the summer I made a post about not having a panic attack in six months, and being really excited, because I felt like God had freed me from one of the biggest battles of my life. That might of been true for that period of time, but in life we go through different seasons. For some reason in that six month period Jesus decided to give me freedom for anxiety, and in this season he wants me to fight. Break has taught me that I have a lot to learn yet, and I'm not fully qualified to win this battle yet.

           For you who don't know, the house I grew up in triggers this battle of anxiety. (We don't know why, I have the best family, and nothing traumatic has happened here). When I'm in the Racine and Kenosha area, where I go to school, most of my anxiety is gone. Like 90%. So somehow I'll have to learn how to battle my anxiety without feeling the bad anxiety itself. I am so blessed I have somewhere I can come to, to just relax and recharge, and not deal with this constantly. Since I am going through such an intense school program, I know that Satan absolutely hates that, and there is a spiritual battle going on in my mind. He wants to crush any time of relaxation.

            Christmas didn't go as well as I would of hoped. I was so nervous anxiety would take over my Christmas, so it did. In the morning after opening presents and getting ready to visit my aunts I remember shaking because of my anxiety. When I was at my aunt's house I had an upset stomach.

          I did have to visit Racine for a day to recharge myself.  At home I was starting to get a chest pain, and a constant upset stomach.  It's okay to take a break. God made one of his servants sleep. After I took that one day of rest, I was ready to fight again, and it wasn't as bad this time. If I hadn't taken that break I think I would of just been burned out.

       I don't know if you all are interested in my symptoms of battling anxiety, but I thought I'd list some of them that I went through more constantly: eventually chest pain, upset stomach (I didn't want to eat very much), sweaty feet ( I couldn't wear socks), sweaty hands.

         During break it was so hard for me to do even simple tasks, because even doing something as simple as walking to another room for something could set off a panic attack so easily. This made me sad, because I felt like my family wasn't getting to see my true self, just my chained self.  But I am beyond blessed that my parents helped me without question during this whole situation with patience. It is a hard thing right now, but eventually God will bring me into freedom from this, and they'll get to see the true me.  But until then I will just have to keep fighting, and that's okay.

What Happened in 2016

January

• Took a trip to Racine for a week during Christmas vacation, where one day I visited my friend Kelsey's house for the first time and got to ride her horse in the snow. I also got to meet her goats, chickens, and three cute dogs. While being in Racine I also took a trip to Gurnee Mills with my friend Laurette, and bought an emoticon pillow. (Unfortunately emokis went to main stream, and I regret buying an emoji pillow now ;))
• I met Petr, who would become a good friend to me.
• Went through V+C, a 20 week church course about foundational truths that my church believes in.

 

February

 

• In February I got a new roommate, I think my old roommate was only at Parkside for a semester. The new roommate was the best roommate. We got a long really well, even though she understood little English in the beginning, as she was an exchange student from China, named Koral.
• February was the launch of #Canaanite which was there to raise awareness for kids with special needs and spread the message that we are all God's creation and how we are very much the same. #Cannanite was launched before the filming of "In the Land of Canaan" which is a documentary a guy at my church was working on to tell the story of God's purpose for kids with special needs.  To raise awareness for kids with special needs a group from my church went to Chicago to spread the word. We weren't able to stay very long, as it was freezing.

• The weekend after going to Chicago, I went to Chicago again on Valentine's Day. This time with a group of exchange students to watch the Chinese New Year Parade in Chinatown. (Perks of having a foreign roommate). I got asked if I was from Poland. It was a really snowy day in Chicago so it was too cold to watch the whole parade so we looked around Chinatown. The beginning was the best part anyways. I think we walked back to the train station from Chinatown and stopped at the bean of the way. Someone proposed at the bean since it was Valentine's Day.

 

 

• Saw Troye Sivan in concert in Milwaukee with my friend Laurette
  
• At the end of the month, I entered into adulthood, when I turned 20.
• Saw a local Christian Band "The Spark" then months later the lead singer became one of my teachers at the School of Worship. 

March

• Celebrated my birthday by seeing Risen, and getting Dominos with my good friend Kelsey, and roommate Korah.
• Saw Petr perform
• Gave up social media for 15 days

April

• Went to Chicago with my roommate. One of the ladies that works for the exchange student program at Parkside acted as our tour guide.  We went to Chinatown, where they had me try a variety of Chinese foods. (Both people are Chinese). Then we went to the Lincoln Park Zoo.

 

• I went to Six Flags opening day with Korah and her friends.

 

• Met Tyler Oakley unexpectedly. While working on a project for Sociology, I checked my Facebook to find Tyler Oakley was doing a free show at Marquette University. After classes I contacted my friend Laurette, then picked her up and we went to Milwaukee right away to make sure they didn't run out of wristbands. We made it and became 5th in line. Front and center for their show. (best seats). After listening to him speak I got to meet him!

• Volunteered through Parkside with Korah and her friends to help spread gravel and mulch at the Racine Zoo.

May

• Got done with classes at Parkside for the year. Celebrated by going to Red Robin with friends.
• Saw YouTubers Dan and Phil do a theatrical show in Milwaukee, with my friends Alex, and Anne, afterwards got lost in Milwaukee.

 

• Moved to Racine for the summer after spending a few weeks at home.

June

• Started working at RADD (Recreational Activities for the Developmentally Disabled).
• Got accepted into the School of Worship
• Went to Milwaukee to see the premiere of the documentary "In the Land of Canaan"
• Went to the launch of the Underground Huddle, a group for teenagers discovering their faith in Racine. I volunteered as a mentor for the young girls there during the summer along with two other women in the church.

 

July

• Went to my first OCM conference. A conference that my church puts together each summer. This includes the three Living Lights in Wisconsin and one in Michigan. The churches in England have their own conference. This one was located in Merryville, Indiana. OCM stands for One Church Ministries. One Church= the unifying of the body of Christ. In Merryville I went to Portillos for the first time. (Such a great place!) At the conference during one session I got to work with the toddlers. Here are pictures of my lovely roommates for the conference!

 

• Traveled to Chicago with one of my friends from Parkside, Cleo to meet YouTuber, Shane Dawson. (Making him my 5th YouTuber I saw this year, and the last for 2016). I actually became more of a fan of him after seeing him in person and reading his book, now I check out his videos regularly. It was one of the hottest days of summer so the meet up was rushed, and by the time we met him we were both drenched in sweat. But it was great.

 

• Came back to Slinger for a weekend and got to see one of my high school friends who had moved out to Virginia. We went to the county fair together.

August

• Went on a spontaneous trip to Zion with my friend Liza, who I hadn't seen in almost a year. In Zion we went to a place called Callie's to listen to live music, and catch up.

• Saw "Suicide Squad" with people at church. (I would end up seeing it a second time in theatres, while on vacation with my parents.
• I watched Stranger Things
• Work ended for the summer
• Took a family vacation to Hayward Wisconsin. (Excited for 2018 when I'll be going to Colorado for vacation :) ) Started out the vacation feeling really sick the first two days then felt better. Went fishing, canoeing, mini-golfing etc.
• Got placed into a home group in my church. Homegroups are a variety of different people (ages, backgrounds, relationship status, etc) coming together outside of church to meet once a week. Homegroup is great. :)

September

• Became a student at the Living Light School of Worship (A nine month music/discipleship program)
•  Moved in with a couple from church in North Racine
• Tried swing dancing for the first time, and I'm pretty bad at it XD
• Lost the best dog ever,  Luke at 14 years old. :( Being home for Christmas made me miss him a lot. Seeing his collar and photograph on the wall. Coming home with extra food, and seeing the peanut jar. (Peanuts were his favorite food).

• Went to a concert put together by my friend Naomi, to raise awareness and money for human trafficking. It ended up being four hours long! :) Some people even did spoken word poetry.

October

• Explored Chicago with a friend I made at the school, Ani. We went to Navy Pier and the Magnificent Mile. It started off being a rainy day, but once the rain passed, the clouds made the city look even cooler.

• Carved pumpkins with people from the school. (There are 21 one of us all together). It was my first time I carved my own pumpkin. I carved a paw print in my pumpkin in memory of Luke. After carving pumpkins I played a German card game. (It's cool going to school with foreign people. In my program we have seven foreign people. Two people from England, two from Germany, and three from Switzerland, as well as a few people from out of state.

 

• Went to my friend Trae's 21st birthday party which doubled as a costume party. I went as a stick-figure. It was a lot of fun being with new friends from the school, and seeing some friends from Parkside.



• Went to a pumpkin farm with some people from the school to end the month, with a peaceful hay ride through a corn maze.

 

November

• Visited one of my good friends from high school, Amber at her apartment in Oshkosh. We made cake then made a blanket fort to sleep under for the night.

 

• To celebrate one of the girls birthdays at the school, went to Millennium Park in Chicago to go Iceskating. I hung onto the railing my first time around and a half. With my friend Kez following behind slowly. Five people took me around the rink, and luckily I didn't make them fall. (I can't believe I went to Chicago a total of 6x this year).



•  Went home for thanksgiving and put up the Christmas Tree.

December

• We had a prophet come to the school, and tell me that I am an anointed songwriting. Here's hoping I come into that calling soon, as I have to have a song written by January 20th.
• Went to an assisted living building in Racine and sang Christmas carols to the residents with the school. Afterwards we all celebrated the Christmas season together.



• Filmed a School of Worship version of the Mannequin Challenge, then it was time for Christmas break.
• Went home to Slinger on December 17th for Christmas Break. Where I spent time with family, decorated Christmas cookies, watched multiple Christmas movies, and enjoyed the joy that the Christmas season brings with it, along with the beauty of all the decorations.  I want to hold on to Christmas!
• For New Year's Eve I went to a Mexican Restaurant with my parents and family friends. Afterwards the family friends came over, and we played games until midnight including: Bumper pool, Scattegories, Bop It, Apples to Apples, and Fact or Crap? I was actually really good at Bumper Pool and had a long winning streak. I came in second for Scattegories, and won Apples to Apples.

Of course this isn't all that happened in 2016. As a lot of my year was spent at Parkside, doing my summer job, or at the school. I just highlighted the interesting things. I feel like I learned hundreds of things in 2016, and I'm excited to learn and experience even more things in 2017. Thank you to all of you who have supported me with the school, and to everyone else who was apart of my 2016. :)





 

30 Things God has Taught me at the School of Worship

1) There's a lot I can change in and grow in, to become the best version of myself

2) I have struggles with pride. Either comparing myself to people as less then them or better than them, but the truth is God gives us each gifts. Without these gifts we wouldn't do anything. So we're all equally as important.

3) Time Management is important, especially when you are in a music school, and you keep having to build on more and more layers of things. You have to learn the basics to be able to do the more complicated things etc. It also keeps your room from getting too messy.

4) It's not fake to know some people deeper than others. This is a struggle for me especially on the school, I want to get to know everyone and build deeply with all of them, but realistically I can't do that without being burnt out, and that's okay. We need to pour out and be poured into by a select few.

5) Being rooted in the truth is important. I didn't think it would be but it actually is. Having a mindset that can switch into biblical truths, helps from anxiety slipping in, fear, sadness, etc.

6) Being a Christian doesn't mean you will have an easier life. It actually usually means the opposite. We can depend on God's strength, but we are also usually put through more trials/obstacles, because Satan doesn't like that we are following God.

7) Learning an instrument takes a lot of practice, repetition. It's simple, but sometimes I like to think there's an easier more exciting way. But the good news is the better that you get at an instrument, the more you like to play it, which doesn't happen if you're too lazy to practice. (Time Management Skills kick in).

8) Trials and godly disciplines are actually mostly good things.  They may be hard and hurt in the process but they make us more like God.

9) We like to cling to old mindsets we used to have, and still have them because we don't think they can change and think they are apart of who we are, but that's actually not true, and if we work hard enough we can actually change them.

10) If you go into something with a negative mindset it will take up your thinking and you actually will not be able to learn or do what you were frustrated about doing at least not as well. (For instance at the beginning of the year with me not being musically minded from the start, my mind would want to kick into there's no way I can learn this, but you can actually learn anything you want. You just might have to work harder on some things or get help, but that's okay. It doesn't mean you are any less of a person.)

11) You are meant to love everyone.  It's immature to form friendships with just the people you share a similar personality with, or like the same activities. The most rewarding friendships are actually those that challenge us in different things.

12) It's actually a good thing for people to point out the flaws in us as a friend. This points out the blindspots in us that we don't see so we can fix them,

13) Copying positive character traits we like about someone is actually a good thing to. We need tole models for a reason.

14) Even if your strong in your faith, people who are not can be toxic to you. Sometimes we think we are helping someone, but were actually not, and they're hurting us instead.

15) Going to sleep early and waking up early is a helpful thing

16) Most of the time taking naps after class, isn't helpful, it just makes you not want to do homework or much of anything.

17) If I turn off my alarm and fall back to sleep, I usually don't wake up in time. (A tip for waking up on time is making sure you're phone isn't right next to you when you fall asleep, that way you have to physically get up and turn it off.)

18) If I don't want to do bible reading, I usually can't focus right on what I'm reading so actually reading it out loud helps me focus on the words, and it actually becomes less of a task.

19) Share deep feelings and get advice from women of the church, if your a man (the opposite). Sharing deep things with the person of the other gender is actually destructive unless you are engaged, married, dating etc. One on One situations are also harmful.

20) Being single isn't a bad thing.  It doesn't mean you are ugly and that guys don't like you. It means you can focus on God and keep him at the center of your attention without distraction until the one that God has chosen to be your husband comes into the picture. Patience is key. This man should lead you to focus on God and not on him.

21) Liking someone makes it harder to focus on keeping God as the center of your life, and puts the person on a pedestal. Putting anyone besides God on a pedestal is really unhealthy.

22) God has different roles for us in different seasons

23) It's okay to be emotional

24) 5 deep relationships are more important then 13 shallow ones

25) You need to go to God first with your problems. It's so easy just to reach out to someone and tell your problems to them, but God is actually the most helpful to bring our problems too. Talking with God helps me sort out my emotions and feel better about situations, see them more clearly.

26) Rest is good, but don't use it as an excuse to be lazy.

27) God is good all the time, and we should never ask him why something happened, because he will use it for good.

28) I have the capacity to handle a busy schedule. I'm not used to busy schedules, but am doing pretty well.

29) Some things that don't seem like a big thing to most people, are seen as big things to God.

30) If you do something wrong, don't condemn yourself. Just try to do better next time. Gods salvation is not based on how well we do in life.

Let's Talk About Death

    I should be sleeping, but why not instead talk about death. I feel like I have so much to say about a variety of different topics, so I was tempted to do a Facebook Livestream, but I guess you need the Facebook App, also I think I am better at writing to convey something then speaking. There's actually a purpose as to why I chose today to write this: 1) It's Halloween tomorrow, and a lot of people portray death as scary. 2) A year ago today Canaan Papa died (a 3 year old with special needs who is being celebrated/remembered today on the anniversary of her death) and 3) I was called tonight to find out my great aunt had died unexpectedly.
      
       I was walking through a Piggly Wiggly in Racine, when I got the phone call. I didn't hear it, but I heard something strange playing on the intercom.  A worship song called "Good Good Father." I had to double take to make sure my ears were working correctly and sure enough. "Good Good Father" is a song about God's love for us, his perfection, and the peace he brings us. When I got back from shopping I called my mom back to find out the news of my aunts passing. She was a very healthy woman in her 90's. As my mom was talking a thought popped in my head, no one actually wants to live until 90 when they can hang out with Jesus. This recognition, gave me a sense of peace.

       When I was younger up until I knew what it truly meant to be born-again and purgatory didn't actually exist (;P).  Death was my biggest fear. The thought terrified me. After one of my relatives would die, my mind would spiral into existential crisis mode. Was God actually real? or did they just disappear into a void of nothingness. Another thing that scared me as a child ( I had weird fears, a lot of children didn't have, I was a deep thinker apparently) was the concept of eternity after death. The fact that eternity is (reaaally lonnnngggg) It never ends. Conflicting fears: Living forever in eternity or going into a void of nothingness.

              To calm us down when death appears the typical phrase is said: "There in a better place" I actually never really pondered this statement, because it's really hard for humans to have a sense of how wonderful heaven really is while being on Earth and not being able to see or experience it. Someone says that statement but our human emotions make us a little doubtful as we really can't comprehend this. Satan surely doesn't, that's why he's sown lies and negativity into death. Death is actually a reunion between God and his chosen servant, a kind of a welcome home party in heaven.  I'm not saying funerals should be a celebratory party full of joy, our separation from loved ones doesn't allow us to feel joyful in these moments. Separation from a loved one is kind of an imagery for separation from God and how horrible that would feel. We're meant to grieve in these moments. A few weeks ago Canaan's dad was talking about the process of grieving and one thing he said that really stuck out to me was this "Time doesn't heal, it just makes us forget." Even though a bit depressing of a statement, it was comforting to me. People tell us time heals, but they're actually wrong.
      As I said before we can't even begin to comprehend how heaven is or how great God actually is. There's limits on our understanding here on Earth unfortunately. But when I think about heaven I like to think about those moments that when you're in the middle of them you think "I wish this day would never end."  That's what heaven will be like but exponentially more great and all the time. An eternity of having the best day ever, doesn't seem so bad! :) To try to perceive God, I think about my best friend how you feel like you'd be content if they were always there, how you always want to be with them.  Take that person multiply them exponentially and that's how it will be when we're with God. An eternity of the best day evers with the best person ever. It makes everything a whole lot less scary.
      To end we might wonder why someone might have died so early in life, or brutally if that's the case, but the truth is we shouldn't question God. We can be disappointed, and not understand. But everything God does is good and perfect and has a purpose. We can't comprehend it, because God's thinking is so much higher than ours.

 

Breaking Bread

     Last night while doing my bible reading for school, I came across something I had never realized before that seemed so significant to me that I hadn't remembered being taught. (The Bible is always revealing new things every time you open it). The revelation I'm going to talk about in the first part of this post comes at the end of Luke, after Jesus is resurrected and appears to his apostles. Here's the verse.
          While they were talking and discussing together, Jesus himself drew near and went with them. ¹⁶ But their eyes were kept from recognizing him. ¹⁷ And he said to them, “What is this conversation that you are holding with each other as you walk?” And they stood still, looking sad. ¹⁸ Then one of them, named Cleopas, answered him, “Are you the only visitor to Jerusalem who does not know the things that have happened there in these days?” ¹⁹ And he said to them, “What things?” And they said to him, “Concerning Jesus of Nazareth, a man who was a prophet mighty in deed and word before God and all the people, ²⁰ and how our chief priests and rulers delivered him up to be condemned to death, and crucified him. ²¹ But we had hoped that he was the one to redeem Israel. Yes, and besides all this, it is now the third day since these things happened. ²² Moreover, some women of our company amazed us. They were at the tomb early in the morning, ²³ and when they did not find his body, they came back saying that they had even seen a vision of angels, who said that he was alive. ²⁴ Some of those who were with us went to the tomb and found it just as the women had said, but him they did not see.” ²⁵ And he said to them, “O foolish ones, and slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken! ²⁶ Was it not necessary that the Christ should suffer these things and enter into his glory?” ²⁷ And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he interpreted to them in all the Scriptures the things concerning himself.
²⁸ So they drew near to the village to which they were going. He acted as if he were going farther, ²⁹ but they urged him strongly, saying, “Stay with us, for it is toward evening and the day is now far spent.” So he went in to stay with them. ³⁰ When he was at table with them, he took the bread and blessed and broke it and gave it to them. ³¹ And their eyes were opened, and they recognized him. 

   Sorry that the verse is so long, but I think it's so significant to have all the context. So in this verse we see that after Jesus is resurrected he appears to his disciples, and at first they don't recognize him. They're eyes are opened at the end of the passage after Jesus breaks bread. Jesus could of revealed himself to the disciples in all sorts of different ways, or just revealed himself to them right away. But he didn't, he actually used breaking of bread. This shows the importance that Jesus puts on the covenant meal. We should do it more than just at church meetings, but in our homes at restaurants, as an intimate thing between believers.

Harry Potter and The Bible

         What a weird name to name a blogpost, but there's a reason for it. As I've studied biblical principles I've noticed the similarities between Harry Potter, and The Bible.

         Prophecy:  There's a prophecy of the birth of Jesus and of Harry Potter. I am by know means saying Harry Potter is like Jesus, because of course Harry Potter isn't the son of God. I'm just saying they're are prophecies over their lives before they are born. The prophecy in Harry Potter is given by Professor Trelawney. So she can be seen as a prophet.  The prophecy in Harry Potter talks about how a boy will be born at the end of July that will defeat Voldemort (The devil?) The prophecies of Jesus, told where he would be born and to whom, and his coming to the world to be the messiah.

          The Demonic:  Just as there is an army that are servants to the devil, there seem to be demonic type characters in Harry Potter as well. The Death Eaters. The Death Eaters are servants of Voldemort who is portrayed as they're leader (the devil).
         
           Warfare: They're is a constant fight in the world between good and evil. Known for Christians as spiritual warfare. We have to go through all these tough things meant to make us turn away from our faith. Just like in Harry Potter where the students of Hogwarts are at constant war with Voldemort and when he'll attack next.
             
            The Final Fight (Revelation): In the last book of Harry Potter there seems to be a revelation type fight between the army of Voldemort, and the army of Harry Potter.  The army of Harry Potter will ultimately win, like Jesus's army in Revelation. Before the final fight, the people on Harry's side trained to improve their magic skills. Where as Christians train themselves in discipline and knowledge, and righteousness for the coming final days when Jesus will walk the Earth again.

              Sacrifice and Ressurection: In the last book of Harry Potter while this final fight is going on, Harry Potter decides to sacrifice himself, and let Voldemort kill him as a means to save his people. This can be paralleled to the crucifixion of Jesus, except in Jesus's case he was not killed by Satan but by people. Just as  Jesus was resurrected, so was Harry Potter. Not by the Holy Spirit however, but by a stone. After Jesus died evil things could not win, after Harry Potter died Voldemort was destroyed. Jesus dying did not destroy Satan.