I couldn't find a picture that depicted a similar image to the one I feel God has given me, so I'll try to describe it. Basically I saw a person's back with open wounds on it, like those from a whip. A doctor was tending to the wounds.
The interpretation? I was the one wounded, and Jesus (God) was tending to my wounds. My previous job had been one of spiritual battle. I was a soldier fighting against darkness, where the darkness had been ruling. Shining a light, and cutting through things with the sword of the spirit. In my previous job the darkness had been very strong so I didn't go away from the situation untharmed, but I didn't realize the scope of my injuries until I was out of the battle. Deep wounds caused by verbal abuse and other things were there. I thought l would be free leaving the battle. However the wounds and affects of the battle follow you once you're no longer in the battle. Soldiers home from battle still suffer from PTSD. They still get triggered by things that remind them of the battle. If you go out with deep open wounds into the world before their healed enough the wounds will just reopen.
This is what happened to me after leaving Hillcrest. At first I experienced relief and happiness that I was given permission to stop fighting in such a spiritually dark place. However, taking on another job so soon after I had left Hillcrest, was like going out in the world with the wounds before they were healed. This caused the intense feelings of anxiety and sadness. The school environment even though it wasn't as dark had triggered these emotions. (The post-war PTSD which is not a term I use lightly.) Going full force into life again after fighting such an intense battle hadn't been the right decision, and it makes sense when you picture the open wounds. Just like the physical wounds take time to heal, so do emotional wounds. It's been frustrating not being able to work for over a month now, but rest/healing/taking it easy was necessary to healing/not getting more injured.
A superhero even though they ultimately win in the end gets thrown around. My time at Hillcrest wasn't for nothing, even though I know that darkness still has a stronghold on that school. The same way with war when you're discharged before the war is one, you could feel like you fought for nothing. My actions had positive effects every single day, and I'm hopeful that darkness won't always rule in that school. It doesn't make sense that I was able to even function/almost thrive in an environment like that when I was there, but God and his goodness gave me an incredible amount of strength everyday to endure it. If he calls you to do something, he'll give you the tools to do it. A lot of people tell me they could never work there, but because God I was able even though it was only for a little over a year.
God sees what you're going through, your not fighting your battles in vain.
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