The Meanng Behind the Artwork

   At OCM,(the annual conference that my church puts on every summer) I had a hard time sleeping during the night both nights we were in Indiana for the conference. My mind couldn't stay calm after thinking about all the things, that had been said through the teachings. On Saturday night, while laying in my hotel bed God gave me a picture of fireflies, but they weren't in the sky, they were swimming around in the water. Tons of tiny lights in the ocean. It was so beautiful. After God showed me it, I asked God if he could let me experience seeing that in real life. A few minutes later after trying to fall to sleep, I decided that sleeping right then, would have been a losing battle so I went out of the room, and found a quiet part of the hotel on the first floor, and pulled out my Bible. I read part of Acts, stopping to think about the swimming fireflies and what it meant. God had shown me this picture, because it had a meeting, not just to show me something for the reason of its beauty. It was to show that the most beautiful lights can be seen best in the darkness. Our lives as Christians illuminate bright lights in this dark world. Like fireflies we may blend in during the daytime but in the darkness of other's lives, they can see the difference in our lives, and their desperation to have whatever we have, that makes us so unique.
      I looked up something along the lines of swimming fireflies on google images, to see if something like this could even be seen in real life. Instead of seeing shining yellow lights like the light of fireflies, I saw blue shining lights. As blue is my favorite color, this was even more exciting. It turns out in some places in the ocean, there is tiny plankton that glows blue at night.

One Church Ministries Conference

       My church is different from other churches, in that once you start going for a couple months, your almost certain to have met most of the people there. The people at my church make sure they get to know you, and not just shallowly. They actually care about how you are doing in your life, and what God is doing in your life, and will be more than happy to be your friend and take you out for coffee.  We get excited for each others lives. My church tries its best to make sure there is no needy person among us. If you need a place to stay, there are families who will take you in. I love that about Living Light.  Even though society may think its weird to take in a person, Living Light makes it normal. Most people my age not from the area, stay at others houses for a season. This builds an even bigger bond between you and the people from the church. It helps you in your character as a person as well, including how to be a big sister to a lot of kids, when you were biologically born the younger sister.

      So that was a long introduction to get to what I actually wanted to write this blogpost on. An annual conference that are family of churches have every year. If you didn't know Living Light currently has three locations in Wisconsin as well as one in Michigan: Racine, Kenosha, Pleasant Prairie, and Cadillac. Almost all the people from these churches go to this conference.  Your one in a very few if you don't end up showing up at this conference. (Another thing I love about Living Light, people take conferences/meetings seriously.) For the last couple years we have met in Merriville Indiana, with this year being in South Bend Indiana. (We also have Living Lights in England and Germany, that have their own conference in winter).

   This was my second year of going to the conference, only being a part of Living Light for 2.5 years, and I was amazed between the difference between this year and last year. Last year I had only known people from the Racine Living Light, and been known by just them. This year after doing the Living Light School of Worship during which I got to know a lot of people from the different congregations, even the Michigan one, I felt like I knew most everybody at the conference, and everybody at the conference mostly knew me. Even people I had forgotten I had met in Cadillac. Being in a room full of almost a thousand people and feeling like you know them, and being known by them is such an amazing incredible feeling. This knowing and being known is probably why half of the church gets invited to weddings. Where a normal wedding would be a few church friends and a lot of biological family, our church weddings are half and half if not more church family then actual family.

  At this conference, you can sit by, and hang out with anyone. and everyone will be more than happy to let you join them. This is what being the church means. The conference is called "One Church Ministries" because of our strong belief in the unity of the church, and everyone who is a follower of Jesus should be of one body. There shouldn't be multiple churches but one mass of believers.

    Living Light is known for its worship times. Being a church where everyone is engaged in worship and jumping around the room. This is because of our sensitivity to the Holy Spirit. When the Holy Spirit moves among us, even the people you wouldn't expect to dance are dancing. A room full of 500+ people all dancing with all their might, is a pretty incredible, encouraging sight, and I just hope everyone can find such a great church as I have. One that they can wholeheartedly love and trust. One that matures them in character and ability.

God's Timing

   What might of been considered embarrassing to the unspiritual eye or frustrating to the spiritual one is my recent quest for a job. I had been applying for jobs probably since the end of March, in total probably 30+ jobs. It took until mid-June until I finally got one, the perfect one, in God's perfect timing.

    The job I had asked God about, the one I asked him to lead me too. A prayer that went something like this: "God, you know what's best for me, I want to live where you want me too, and do whatever you want me to do this summer. Help me find whatever job you want me to do this summer." He was faithful, and he did answer. Sometimes he doesn't answer right away, and sends us on a quest to gain knowledge. For me the quest was to find the job that God had handpicked for me.

     Did God want me at a job that would be different then what I was going to school for? Did he want me to be work in retail, in a restaurant, as a cleaner, as a painter, or with typically developing kids? Or was I supposed to do something more of what I felt God calling me to for the future.

   Some of you guys know the result of these questions. It turned out God wanted me at the job that most reflected what I felt I was called to do in the future. Working with kids with autism at their homes, teaching them behavioral, as well as skills for living. A job where both of us are taught new things. I found out today (my first day at the job) that a lot of people I work with have actually gotten their Bachelor's in Psychology, which is another example of God's timing.

    At Parkside I thought I wanted to go for getting a Bachelor in Special Education, but was lost when I found out they hadn't added the program, and wouldn't be until 2018. I didn't think that God would be calling me away from the Kenosha/Racine area so I felt really stuck. Maybe God hadn't called me to do work with kids with disabilities afterall. I frantically searched for a major that might fit me, even going as far as taking career tests, as suggested by some counseling ladies at Parkside. The only thing the tests showed me is that I was meant to work at a job that helped people. I talked to the Education department, which redirected me to the Psychology department, where the Psychology program lead thought that Psychology would be a fitting major for me, as the paragraph states above it must be. God knew, and he craftily redirected me in the right direction.
    
     Another example of God's timing in my life was finding housing for the summer. In about Mid-April I started looking for somewhere to be able to stay over the summer, my church is very hospitable and help house a lot of people in their 20's. I asked the leaders of the church and multiple families, seeming to be out of luck. I even got my new job before finding summer housing, which was very worrisome. I didn't find summer housing until the day before my first day at my new job. I found housing (Thursday). The confirmation for the summer housing actually came after a prayer session over the phone with a friend. As you can tell it was a worrisome week, not being sure if I'd find a place to stay by the time my job started, just trusting God would do it. (My home in which I've been staying is an 1 hour and a half away from where I'd be working, and there was no way I was going to make that drive twice a day.) He made sure of it, testing the depth of my trust for him, and my patience for his timing.

   At the end of the school year I was almost convinced that God might want me to stay at my parent's house in Slinger for the whole summer. But of course he had other plans, and in my heart I knew my stay in Slinger in the summer would be "very" temporary. It was only lasting a total of  17 days with 5 visits to Racine/Kenosha, so I wasn't even home all 17 days. My stay was great, and I'm glad God added being home to the process. I was ready to move from one house to another if the opportunity presented itself, not moving all my things home. Being home allowed me to have some much needed family time, as well as the joy of watching my parent's new puppy (black lab), Drake grow up. They picked him up four days before I came home. I think he's now about 10 weeks old. I will definitely miss being home. I feel kind of torn wanting to be in both places, which is a good problem to have, but I know my time will be more fulfilled in living in Racine, and of course there will be visits home to Slinger, and visits from them in Racine so feeling torn won't be that big of a deal.

   God has a timing for everything, we just need to be patient, and have faith. It can be a bit of a struggle but it's definitely worth it.

Labels

      Who are you? What defines you? To help answer these questions our society uses labels. But labels aren't always helpful, making people have a preconceived idea of who you are, by what the label means to them. Humans are complex, and there's no way one simple label can help define them, even multiple labels. Some labels feel nice, well others may hurt.
       
         I've been thinking about labels for awhile, and there's one for me that always seem to sting, and that I don't want to define me. That is the label of (quiet/shy/reserved/or introvert). After being seen as the quiet child most of my life, I have made it a personal mission to be more than that. To be a person people get to know, not the quiet reserved girl people have labeled me to be. After making this my mission I have come a long way. I love spending time with people, and talking with them, and for the most part it comes easy. This is why while trying so hard to be this way, and someone then saying "Wow your quiet." It fells like a stab. Like I've taken steps back. Like my progress hasn't been seen.

      In high school it was hard to be anything but your labels, because most people didn't care enough to get to know the real you, but just what you were labeled as. When you're labeled as something for so long, you become to believe it defines you. Luckily going off to college gave me a new beginning, and I was able to start being who I truly was. With a couple slip ups in the beginning with trying to fit in. The school I went to through my church was even more helpful in walking and discovering my true identity as a child of god. This is the only label that matters and is 100 percent true. None of the other things you can be labeled matter, because you can't put a label on God's creation, one that is fitting enough, one that can be described with human words.

Feelings Hurt

       Emotions: Hurt, Joy, Anger, Disgust. God created them for a reason. To help us enjoy this life more, instead of going through it robotically. So we can really know others through empathy. In this blog I will be focusing on the emotion of hurt.

       Being an extrovert in the body of an introvert can be hard to deal with sometimes. Since I don't have a dominate personality, one that sticks out, I feel forgotten. I do know I'm important and God has big plans for my life, but I can't help wondering what it must feel like to not be forgotten, remembered and loved among most people. How does it feel? When you make plans, and everyone is excited to show up? To be invited to all these places?

       When in a place like this, its hard not to be self-focused on insecurity. To ask yourself, why wasn't I invited to this? Why can't I get a ride to this place? Why does it seem like no one wants to hang out with me? Does it have to do with me? Satan thrives on these thoughts, and tries to feed you with lies, that you can only be freed from by spending time with the Father (God).

      I also recognize in order to reflect Jesus's life, I won't be liked. I'm going to be misunderstood, and mocked. It's okay to feel this emotion of hurt, but dwelling on it causes bitterness and this is bad. It's wrong to strive to ignore it with a front of fake happiness/positivity. To be like Jesus, we must accept all these pains, and love those who hurt us, with no bitterness, but forgiveness.

   Being a sensitive person, I feel a lot, but I also know its sinful to let them control me, have the whole world know which emotion I'm feeling. Being consistent in emotions when you feel a lot is so important, and I feel like I've grown in this a lot. It's just so hard when your brain decides its time to move on from something, and not to let it bother you anymore, you can still feel it. I'm trying to get to the place where they work together, to not feel as easily hurt by everyone. I need to fully understand who I am in God, and not what I am to other people. Most of the time, people are actually unaware that they hurt you, and weren't actually trying to.

Positivity

       Being a positive person mostly, it's easy for me to find joy, and see the best in people. This week, however, which happens to be the week after Spring Break, I got to carried away with looking at my future after my schooling this year is done.  Monday morning when I woke up for school, I just felt negative. Focusing on how much I wanted the future to come quickly started a bad attitude in me.

       1) This program I'm on, is short already, and I really wanted to be apart of it, and waited two years. Wanting the last 2 months to just pass, is not right. God gives new gifts everyday, and he isn't done yet. There's so much left to experience yet! Along with this is distraction. Being distracted in the now just makes us passive, instead of soaking up everything this year has to offer.
        
         2) A tiny little bug called bitterness snuck into my life. I denied it at first, but it started working and making me feel distant to those on the school. The people I love, and the people God handpicked to be work with me. Crucial relationships. People you love will hurt you, but that's okay. Kill the bitterness with forgiveness.

      Today we did an exercise at school, where everyone got a pile of post-it-notes and wrote one positive word for each of our classmates. This is definitely what I needed today, and God knew it. So to keep the positive vibes going: I'll list out the words I got, and also the words I was given about a month ago that people used to describe me.

• Humble
• Wise (x2)
• Vulnerability (x2)
• Bold (x3)
• Caring
• Soft-hearted (x2)
• Teachable
• Obedient
• Patient
• Hard-working (x2)
• Funny
• Faithful
• Gracious
• Loving (x2)
• Thankful Always
• Favored
• Encouraging
• Meek
• Brave (x2)
• Thoughtful
• Courageous
• Tender
• Genuine
• Deep
• Resilient (x2)
• Compassionate
• Kind
• Beauty
• Precious

Yeah so after seeing these words that people used to describe me, it was just so encouraging especially since the top thing people see me as seems to be in being brave, which is a very important characteristic in life. Feel free to add anymore words to the list, if you think it's lacking any, or let me know if you need some positivity as well and I will be happy to give you a list of words that I think describe you

God's Sense of Humor

           There's no doubt that God likes to keep life interesting. An example of one of the adventures God puts us on in life happened to me last night.

            Earlier that night around 7 I went to an all ladies prayer/testimony night in Kenosha at the Living Light there. I had been invited because one of the topics they were discussing that night was anxiety, along with fear, depression, and hopelessness. It was everything I needed to hear, and the whole time there was just awesome. (Especially since my anxiety seemed to be worse than normal this week)  One of the things the speaker talked about was, discussing your fears with God so he could help you face them, or tell you what is true about them.  My anxiety also got prayed over by some people in the congregation. Then afterwards I sought off to go to a birthday party. Nothing unusual happened at the party, the adventure came afterwards.

             I left the house a little after one, and traveled to Racine. Which usually would have made me anxious as for some reason driving at night sometimes makes me anxious and sometimes not in different seasons. It hadn't been in awhile but I was in one of those seasons where it did. What also makes me anxious when I drive is feeling tired, as it was late so I was. (I hadn't stayed up past 1 in awhile).  I felt pretty at peace. Even when the adventure started.

           I made it to the place I am staying at in Racine, but I couldn't find my house key, and shocker besides being fine before my phone turned itself on, and my car charger which I just bought and had worked decided not too. It's hard to see in your car at night when its an old car with no lights you can click on. I only had like two minutes to look before my lights turned off in my car. I checked my pockets, and came to the conclusion I had probably left them in Kenosha. (The house was 40 minutes away, so I decided that wouldn't be the best idea to go back too, especially at what was now almost two in the morning. I decided to go to the addresses of houses I had of people in my church to sleep at for the night. Being in a city, weird people at night are more rampant (strange people in general probably) so it was no wonder that the first house I tried didn't come to the door. I decided to try another house. (I figured sleeping in my car would be too dangerous, I didn't think about the fact its the middle of winter.) This one had a dog so the dog woke the people up there. It was now like 2:15, in the morning so I'm pretty sure they were more scared than I was when they heard a knock on their door. Despite being perfectly fine, when they asked if I was okay my voice became shaky like there was something wrong. I took a breath and got the story out calmly, and they let me in. They found a charger for my phone, and as I was about to fall asleep. I heard in my mind, check your coat pocket again, and my key was there........