The Grace of God and the Gospel

A reflection and summary of Trae's message  last Tuesday.

    God is slowly perfecting us throughout our lives.  It doesn't just happen over night.  In a society like this we want things to happen for us quickly and when they don't we start to doubt that they will ever happen.  For example when we're younger we all want to be something.  We want to be a professional athlete, a dancer, or an actor.  For most of us sometime in our life we give up on that dream, we start doubting we can actually do it, so other people pursue our dreams instead because we gave up.  This is kind of how it's like when we pray.  We expect our prayers to be answered immediately, some miraculously heal right away.  That's why they are called miracles though, they are rare and don't happen a lot.  God takes awhile to fix things in our lives but he does, or he gives us something we need verse something we may ask for.  He slowly perfects us throughout our lives so we can be our best self later.

     To not go to far from God we need to live a gospel-centered life.  God tells us in "The Bible"  that there is nothing we can do to escape his love.  There's nothing we have to do to make God fully accept us because he already does.  "We don't change until we realize we don't have to."

    There's a lot of false perceptions on the gospel.  People like to put conditions on God's unconditional love, like in order to go to heaven we must go to church every Sunday, or read "The Bible" everyday, or become a ministry leader.  Adding these conditions to "The Bible" makes Jesus of no value to us.  Suddenly God's unconditional love doesn't matter to us and the fact that he sacrificed his son so we would be forgiven of all our sins.  Jesus said "It is finished"  meaning there is nothing for us left to do, he has done everything for us already.

     Through people adding to the gospel we feel like we need to earn God's favor otherwise God will be mad at us but that is not true.  Through God's grace we are turned into new creatures in the righteousness of God.  God's grace allows us to turn our desires of our flesh into the desires of our heart.  We respond to God in love through our freedom after receiving his spirit.  After being filled with the Holy Spirit sinning keeps us from doing what we want to do because we desire the things of the Spirit.  We choose to go to church and read "The Bible" because of our hunger to God and freely pursue righteousness we are not being forced to.  God can never be mad at us if we press into his love and trust in him.

Choosing Parkside

Deciding to come to Parkside mostly came by chance.  I had gotten accepted into three other schools.  UWWC, Whitewater, and Milwaukee.  I also toured Moraine Park Technical College in West Bend because at the time I wasn't sure if I really wanted to spend four more years at school.

I toured UWWC and it was way too small, only 1,000 kids.  So I knew that wasn't the choice for me.  There wasn't really anything I wanted to go to a technical college for.  I never ended up touring Whitewater, and although Milwaukee seemed amazing it was way too expensive and had an overwhelming amount of people.

It was like April before I made my decision about what school I wanted to go to, I really didn''t know but in the end I said Parkside.  In the town I'm from, Slinger barely anyone has even ever heard of Parkside, which is probably why I've only met one Slinger High School alumni here on campus.  Parkside was also an hour and a half from home, and with a girl with anxiety that's hard to fathom.  Parkside though was only 5 minutes from my brother's campus, Carthage though.  Because of this our parents can easily visit us both now.

There was so many factors against picking Parkside: being far from home, living away from home, and not being with anyone I knew.  The first two months of college were full of so much drama and cliques, I really didn't think I had chosen the right college.  I told myself I could always transfer if I needed to.  With my anxiety though its a surprise I never chose a closer college to home.  This surprises me a lot.  I am brave.  I could of taken the easy route and lived at home and went to a college just 10 minutes away from home with a ton of people I knew from high school but I didn't.

I've been thinking about it a lot lately.  How I know I made the right choice, because since the end of October I have met all these amazing people at Parkside, whether that be siblings in Christ or just generally cool people.  If I would have gone to a different school I would of never gotten to meet all these people.  To be honest I don't want to live in a world where I hadn't met these people, that's how much they mean to me.  Yea school can be stressful sometimes, but there's so many people I can't wait to hang out with, and the best part I live like a 5 minute walk from all of them.   

Old YouTube Videos

2 Summers Ago I did a bunch of YouTube challenges with my friend Christian, they're pretty funny.

The Chubby Bunny Challenge
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxHOTfIPiRU



Disgusting Cupcake Challenge (This one was at a party, so much chaos)
https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=6561418519706735199#editor/target=post;postID=7309237803347524646




Harry Potter Jellybean Challenge
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oz0EXcxHRrc

My Testimony

Coming from a family with a Christian background, I didn't think I had a testimony to give.  Everyone seemed to have more interesting testimonies of how they found God after a series of events that had happened in their lives that led them to God. I learned this year however being born again doesn't start when you're baptized as an infant like I was.  It's starts when the love of God flows through your body and you begin to have a relationship with him.  Thinking about him and regarding him constantly, not just once a night or when you need something.

I always had a strong love for God ever since I was little and would enjoy going to Sunday school.  The other kids didn't seen to like it and would make fun of me for actually being respectful of the teacher.  So I was homeschooled for the Sunday school teachings for a few years not wanting to deal with these kids.

Like I said before I was really strong in my faith when I was young, believing that no one could just not believe in God but in 6th grade one of the girls in my Sunday school class asked "How do we know we go to heaven when we die, and how do we know God is real?  Before that I didn't know such questions could be asked.  It seemed so obvious to me that the existence of God was absolutely real.  I began to have some doubt after this.   What if God wasn't really real?

After this I had existential worries at night like everyone maybe questions at least once in their lives.  Those questions that can't really be answered like who created God in the first place and who created them, or just the feeling of existence in the first place.  The fact that were on this mound of land with other creatures like us.  What was here before the world and existence where were we.  I used to also worry about living for eternity.  Living on forever and ever, but the thought that scared me most was not existing after I died.  If there wasn't a heaven I would just cease to exist into the darkness.

Throughout high school I was apart of youth group every year besides my Junior year but for Catholics you had to go to Sunday school up until your Juior Year to be confirmed in the church.  I absolutely adored going to these youth groups and felt strongly towards God especially during the retreats but after a few weeks the flame would die down and life would get in the way again.  I thought there was no possible way I could love God anymore then I already did until I got to college.  Where I learned how to put God first, and love him so much, even with a busy schedule.

It didn't start out that way in college.  I took my freedom for granted and made mistakes.  I put college before God, and didn't listen to him even when he made things clear to me that weren't good. He showed me by not listening to him things wouldn't be good.  They would be broken, and I would be broken.  The first month of college all I had were basically fake friend (except Laurette).  Everyone either couldn't care less about me or lusted over me.  I fell for the loser on my floor who had lusted over me, I was so stupid, but once he found out I wasn't just going to give myself to him so easily he cheated on me, and he would cheat on her, and the next girl, and is probably going to cheat on the next one too.  As you can see, he makes bad choice, and definitely was not the one for me.  He hurt me and I thought at the time revenge would be okay.  But "The Bible" stopped me and taught me how to forgive.

He left and during my insecurity and brokenness my moment of weakness was taken advantage of.  On campus there's this place called the den.  It's basically a place where you can hang out with your friends at night. There a guy from one of my classes started talking to me.  We talked a lot, and I mistakenly thought that he was a gift from God.  Someone that would help me get over this brokenness I was feeling a new friend.  He was none of those things but a good manipulator to a girl so blind by not seeking God's guidance.

About a week later he invited me back to his suite (red flag right there: If you barely know a guy and they invite you to your suite, your better off not going).  He had exaggerated the fact we were just friends but when I got to his suite I soon realized that wasn't the case.  His meaning of "friends" was "friends with benefits"  I'm not going to go into detail about that whole thing.  Just that he was so manipulative that he made things that definitely weren't okay, okay. I began to think the meaning of "friends with benefits" was okay, and how God would forgive me.  (Your not suppose to test God's power by doing bad things even though you'll be forgiven that's not the point)  I almost gave myself to him despite the fact I was extremely uncomfortable, about the whole thing.  I had prayed the night before and was given the opportunity to escape.  I cringe when I look back.  I was so stupid.

During a Christian Retreat in October during a quiet time, God told me to get rid of him for good,  and when I got back to campus I made sure I did.  The loneliness and sadness returned.

About 2 weeks before the Christian Retreat I went to Cru.  A person on the bridge told me about Cru on the 1st week of school and I was excited to join.  They gave me the wrong information though, so I wasn't able to find it until the lastish week of September. It kind of scared me at first when I got there especially when an overenthusiastic guy with a giant smile welcomed me in (That's you Jeremy).  That's about all I remember about my 1st night at Cru.

2 days after that, the guy from Cru was on my floor and invited me to bible study.  At that time I thought that bible study sounded like the most boring idea in the world, but I went.

Little by little after the Fall Retreat my life began to improve 100%.  It was due to God's ability to turn around any situation.  Through pursuing him I was able to obtain a hunger for God.  A hunger that led me to meet and form strong relationships with my other brothers and sisters in Christ.  I was able to move out of the hall I hated, and become a person I was proud of being.  You're never alone because God is always there and if you focus all your attention on him, he can do great things in your life.
(Well that was a novel, but  I hope it was useful :) )

A Biography of my Life so far Written by Amber

One of my best friends, interviewed me through Skype so she could write about me for a paper she had for her English class.  Here is what she wrote.  I love it so much.  :)

       She walks tall with an acute self-awareness. Her face is one of understanding and hides an old soul deep within.  As she talks, she is full of compassion, love, and humor.  Her fashion sense is funky, yet classy. Everyone who sees her seems to be eternally jealous of her spunky earrings and flower head bands she wears. She’s not materialistic, but pleasing to observe as she selflessly goes about her day.  Her personality shines through her plethora of music CD’s and band merchandise. It ranges anywhere from Twenty One Pilots to Green Day, One Direction to Coldplay, and The Fray.  You can’t help but laugh at her hilarious stories she tells.  She must have telepathy, because she can sense how you’re feeling just by being around her. Love seems to leak from her every pore, and not just to her friends.  But don’t be fooled into thinking her life is perfect and that she’s got everything worked out. Behind her smiling face is a hidden secret, a locked door. Alexa Bingen deals with a general anxiety disorder and depersonalization. What I love most about her is that she’s not too proud to ask for help and make late night phone calls to some friends. 

                Alexa is 19 years old and is a freshman at the University of Parkside in Kenosha, Wisconsin. She grew up on the outskirts of Slinger, a small rural town in southeast Wisconsin. It was there that she went to elementary, middle, and high school.  She has a mom, dad, older brother, and a soon to be sister-in-law.  Her grandpa started dying when she was five due to cancer, so he lived in their house while her family took care of him.  One day he died there, which was the beginning of a long and torturous journey of her life. Since then, Alexa has had numberless panic attacks and lots of anxiety. She’s not sure if her grandpa’s death was the cause of it or not but it definitely affected her in unexpected ways. “I grew up with a general anxiety disorder and it also made it hard because my mom had Multiple Sclerosis, she still has it, and it was really bad. She had to walk with a walker, and they said she’d have to be in a wheel chair if it got any worse.”  Her mother is getting better every day, but she’s still not the best.  While in elementary school, Alexa would get constant stomachaches from her anxiety and worried too much about her mom and if she was ok. The nurses had to constantly reassure her that everything was fine and send her back to class. Because of this, she became good friends with the secretary in the nurse’s office.  She would worry about the most irrational things, such as having a heart attack while her school was promoting heart attack awareness in a gym class. 

Therapy helped as a kid, but not so much now.  During her middle school and freshman years, she felt “normal” again.  “Panic attacks, they make you feel like you don’t exist for a few minutes, and it’s a really scary feeling, thinking that you never existed before.  Depersonalization is like you’re not even there, like you’re living a movie. It was a constant feeling that faced me. And then the fear of having another panic attack, it keeps you from doing anything.” Scary, right? Well, this has been her life ever since she was a young child.  As a junior, Alexa was put on medication that would take six weeks to work. That’s a long and daunting time for you to battle your demons alone.  When she started having bad anxiety and panic attacks in high school, she was hesitant to tell her mom.  But after a while, she told her mom, even though she didn’t fully understand what was going on.

 Her mom, Kathy Bingen, was very supportive in trying to help her daughter get better by looking at online forums and watching multiple YouTube videos.  Alexa explained how senior year was really good for her because even though she had a few slip ups, she was in more control of them.  “Even though I wasn’t having panic attacks, things weren’t getting better, so I went back to therapy.  They weren’t able to help me. I wouldn’t suggest going to a therapist because I don’t even think they help. They kept asking “Why do you think you feel this way?” and I had no idea why I felt like that way. It just kind of happened, how I developed this condition.  Instead of helping me they would just ask me a bunch of questions. They get paid so much and they weren’t even helping me.” Just before her senior year, Alexa had a really bad panic attack, and depersonalization settled in and sent her into “zombie mode”.   She described it as never wanting to do anything but sit around and sleep.  Her and her family prayed about the situation she was in and decided on seeing a local hypnotist, which seemed to help a lot.  More and more appointments were being made as she started seeing improvements. That miracle working hypnotist taught her techniques to use while having a panic attack. Looking back at the times when she would have nearly four in one day, Alexa can’t believe that she ever made it through that difficult time of her life. 

                Many people, including myself, don’t fully understand what depersonalization is, so I asked for some further clarification.  “Depersonalization is pretty rare. A lot of people have it in the world but it’s not that common. It’s kind of like post-traumatic stress disorder, where a lot of people have it but it’s not too common. It’s for people who had an addiction to pot and it went wrong or people who had a really traumatic life experience, so I don’t really know why mine developed.”  But she kept going, kept living her life.  Alexa commented on religion and how it helped her through this. It was a big factor and without it, she may have spiraled into a horrible depression. She has never had thoughts of self-harm or suicide. “I was kind of under this impression that I could get through this and that it’s going to get better. I never had a thought that I was going to lose total control over everything.”

                Alexa Bingen was the Assistant Music Director for the school plays at Slinger High School.  Not many people get such a special role, but she got it through hard work and a couple years of being on stage crew. As she progressed, she was able to watch all of the younger students grow and develop their talents.   “I was able to prove to others that I’m a good leader and that I can do things that didn’t seem possible. I could handle things and prove that I don’t give up. It was a really amazing experience and I learned a lot about myself along the way as well.” Throughout high school, Alexa had a strong love for the theater.  Many of the friends she has now are friends forged in the deep fires of musicals and plays. This fall, Alexa went back to visit them and saw their fall production. She related to me how she started crying at the end because she loved seeing them grow up to their full potential. 

                Music can be a form of therapy, and this was the case for Alexa.  “I listened to the Beatles in the eighth grade, which was during the period where I was ok.” Green Day was the band she listened to when everything seemed to be going downhill for her.  During her senior year, she discovered Twenty One Pilots, “they explain how you feel in their lyrics more than anyone else can.”  Here we see just how influential music can be in a person’s life and mood. When it comes to worship music, sometimes she’ll listen to it late at night, become inspired, and won’t be able to get enough sleep for her eight o’clock class.

                Even though life is not perfect, she works her hardest every day to overcome her fears and anxiety. She attends college and continues making new friends and embarrassing stories to blog about.  Her blog has had over 500 views and her friends always love reading what she has to say. “My friend from Cru was wondering if I had posted anything else because he loves reading them. I didn’t even think he would take time out of his busy schedule to read what I write.  He actually reads it!  It’s really encouraging so I have been inspired to post even more.”

Taking Risks in Faith

In the book "A Million Ways to Die, the Only way to Live" Rick James that we must go through tiny deaths regularly to glorify God.  These deaths being, the rejection Christians face when sharing there faith.  It's hard to get rejected by people, but at least God knows you tried.  If people do end up talking about their faith with you or go to youth group on campus, its a great accomplishment.  Tuesday I went through a few situations dealing with these "tiny deaths".

I'm not even sure what brought it up or who but in my theatre class, we had some free time so I talked to the people in my group who I would be acting with.  I don't remember what we were talking about specifically but I pushed the idea farther, and went into a spiritual conversation with the two other people in my group.  I risked them rejecting the idea, but instead we all discussed our spiritual backgrounds, as well as views on church things.

Later that same day I went out sharing around campus with my friends Jen and Tyler.  One of the staff leaders from our youth group on campus had invited me and Jen to go sharing in the 1st place, so we thought she would accompany us while sharing.  That's not how it went down she sent us off together.  It's a really intimidating task when your not that experienced and don't have a face like Pepins.  (The staff leader).  She has a way of making people listen to her.  We failed all the times we tried to engage in conversation or invite people to Cru (Our youth group on campus).  The first girl made it extremely awkward, and the other two people kindly turned us down.

I'm a greeter along with one of my friends Jeremy and we decided to challenge ourselves and invite people to Cru before the meeting started at 8.  One of the guys kindly accepted the Cru card.  However, a group of freshman girls who used to be my roommates friends acted like Cru was the stupidest thing in the world if I asked them if they were planning on coming.  I know that at least two of them were planning on going to a bible study at the beginning of the year.  College has either changed them or they're hiding something.  Although they act friendly in front of me I feel like they all secretly judge me.  Let's just say I've heard them talk before and they're not the nicest girls.

When sharing faith there's always going to be some people who reject the idea of Cru or Christianity.  That's because the world is already against us and showing your religious side on campus is kind of taboo.  Its worth going through these "small deaths"  to become stronger.  By living through these small "deaths" we don't lose much from being rejected.  Maybe our reputation somewhat or a person's respect for us, in some cases nothing.  Even if those girls decide to gossip about what a joke I am for trying to get them to go to Cru.  It doesn't matter,  There's a ton of amazing people who do share and accept my views on Christianity.  These people who I have come to know, are probably at the top of my list, of the most amazing people I have ever met.  As long as I'm not losing a person like that, then who cares if I lose a few people a long the way who don't have a positive impact on my life.

The Importance of Rest

God doesn't want people to feel overwhelmed and burdened, but in our lives today society puts such an emphasis on being busy.  Rest is a way of life, and we need to create space in our schedule for it.  Our lives are too fast-paced.

Our lives have put so much emphasis on being busy, that we have created a world of multi-tasking.  We created something that wasn't there before.  If you were doing something years ago, chances are you didn't have a cellphone on you every second of the day.  If you didn't pick up the landline you were busy.  Now if you don't answer calls, people think its because you're ignoring them, because they expect you to always have a phone with you.  We think were good at multi-tasking, but we're not.  Our brain is suppose to only be able to handle one thought at a time.  This is why we feel anxious.  Years of multi-tasking is even known to over years lower your IQ in the same way marijuana does.

Because of our fast-paced lives, and access to technology we are given around 2,000 persuasion messages per day.  Many of these conflict with other messages and cause our brains to feel overwhelmed.  We don't know what to believe or what to think, or how to act.  Throughout our lifetimes living in this generation we're going to have to learn how to use 20,000 things on average.

Even in "The Bible" people thought resting would be a waste of time.  They wanted to accomplish all these things for God that they never really saw the importance of rest.  But "The Bible" says we need to make a habit of stopping and just ceasing from our responsibilities for a second because rest is what makes us stronger.  God will do our work for us, we don't need to do it on our own.  Through your job you work to give, as God has given you that job in the 1st place, so we should not work to gain.  God has given us "The Bible" as a gift of rest, so we may take a moment and reflect on it, ceasing from our work.  Psalm 23 tells us what living a restful life looks like.

God looks at our lives and thinks about what he can accomplish in our lifetimes,  We like to think hes going to accomplish something soon, and if nothing happens we don't feel satisfied due to our fast-paced lives.

Another reason we feel so overwhelmed is we are never content with what we have, we always feel like we need something more.  But God says: "I shall not want"  and that all that we need to be content is clothes and food.  If we have those things and still want more we desire to be rich.  Those who desire to be rich fall into temptation.  This temptation allows us to have senseless thoughts and wants that make us feel discontent.  We want that new version of a phone, or a certain brand of toothpaste.  Its senseless because there's not much difference in the 1st place.  They both have the ability to do the same thing.  God wants us to enjoy life, and if we don't like his gifts, it starts to destroy our lives.  Like if we're discontent with a spouse because we want something more, or don't see the beauty in nature anymore.  He wants us to be content with what we have.

I know this isn't easy, especially with societal views being against us, but rest is so so important.  Growth hormone is released into an infant while they sleep so they can experience growth.  Because of society I often feel pressured to be constantly doing work, studying, socializing, and just not taking time for myself.  The stress from everything really does take a toll on you, and you really just need to relax and get away from it all for a second.
(Writing inspired from today's sermon of rest, at Living Light Church)

A Horrific but Comical Morning

You know those days where nothing seems to go right.  Where one thing can't go wrong without a bunch of things going wrong.  That was my morning today.  Instead of looking at it negatively because it was in fact "hella" stressful its also kind of funny.  For some of the morning God must of been on my side, because things could of been a whole lot worse.

My morning started off with me waking up 20 minutes after my 1st class had started, after missing the class the day before because of lack of sleep.  Attendance is extremely important in this class, so there was no way I was going to skip it again, plus its math if you miss two days in a row your kind of screwed for knowing what you have to do.  The reason my alarm didn't go off was because my phone changed time zones over night.  (Its done that before but not recently so I thought it wouldn't happen but yea I was wrong).  "So I woke up got out of bed, and dragged a comb across my head....."  Actually it was more like Woke up shouted "Oh shit" got my stuff together and ran out the door.  I didn't even change my clothes from yesterday, but I had the decency to check my hair and make sure it looked okay.  I didn't want to scare people....

After class my professor informs me I have until noon to turn in yesterday's assignment or I get a zero.  On Tuesdays I have classes from 8:00-12:30 but math at Parkside is super strict at Parkside,  You need to get a certain grade or above in 13 categories, so not turning an assignment on time would bring my homework grade down.  If your homework grade dips under a certain percentage you fail the class.  Luckily in my Psychology class which I have after Math is not mandatory so I could show up late if I needed,

I sat down at a table and realized all my math homework sheets are in my dorm.  (Our professor compiled a huge packet of all the notes and homework assignments required for the Spring semester),
I decided to take a risk and left my backpack unattended to run back to my dorm.  Its a super long walk between the dorms and the Rita so that was fun.

I went back to the room to turn in my assignment but my professor was no longer in the room.  I then rushed to the library to check to see where his office was because I didn't have the syllabus with me.  I ended up not being able to find it online so the people in the library looked it up for me. (They ended up giving me the wrong room number) I wrote it down and decided to go to my Psychology class which let out at 11.  That way I could hand my assignment an hour before it was due and not miss so many Psychology notes.  (Psychology is a super heavy note-taking class).

I got to Psychology and noticed that the assignment that was due today was not with me.  In my rush  out the door I hadn't grabbed my binder.  I prayed for a miracle and the professor decided he wanted them next class instead.  (Thank you Jesus!)

After class I went to the room that I had gotten from the library.  It wasn't the right place.  By some other miracle a girl from my math class recognized me and knew the room I was looking for, and gave me his room number which was in the area my next class was taking place.

I went to go to look for Room 107 but by some sort of sorcery I couldn't find it.  I found Room 105 and 109 but 107 seemed non-existent.  I decided to peek through the window of Room 105 and by another miracle he was teaching in that classroom!  Even though he was in the middle of teaching the class I kind of walked in and gave it to him.  He didn't seem to mind.

I then walked into my theatre class 10 minutes late.  But the teacher pretty much looks like he was probably a college kid like last year and he couldn't care less if I was late.  I went to go sit down with my group so we could go over our scripts and missed the chair and bruised my butt,  While walking downstairs during class time I tripped while going downstairs but saved myself from falling down the stairs on top of everything else that had happened that day.  From all the rushing around and I acquired blisters on my feet.  That's all thats happened so far today, but the day isn't over yet so hopefully I don't choke on my food or slip in the shower or something.

I hope that if you were having a bad day that this was able to cheer you up.  It should knowing that a human could go through so many strange things in one day.

Another Embarrassing Moment Because I'm an Awkward Girl :)

I don't know why these things happen to me, maybe its so I can laugh at them later. Like I don't even know why people hang around me anymore since this is a very common occurrence in my life.  I love you guys (Thanks for dealing with me and my awkwardness).   I'm the type of person that likes to embrace these awkward situations, they're who make me, me.  Without further ado....Here's the story about how I unknowingly left church a half-hour early.  (It's must more interesting then it sounds, you'll see why.)

I was in the process of choosing a church to go to that was near my college campus in Kenosha.  I was really sure about picking the church I ended up going to on Sunday.  This church is very different from many churches, and even explaining it is kind of hard because it is so different.  These people are so consumed by God.  That everyone in the whole church is dancing and singing at the top of their lungs, and announcing what God has put on their hearts in front of everyone.  The church takes their sermons very seriously as well and it is usually a 2 hour service.  I didn't know this.  So after the 1st hour there was a break, where everyone got out of their seats, and began talking to each other.

My friend who had told me about the church in the first place came over and sat by me, and told me a message God had put on his heart to tell me.  He then left to go over and talk to his other friends, and I could of swore he said Bye (he didn't).  I took this as a cue that the church service was over, and went out to the parking lot.  I thought that it was strange that a lot of cars were still in the Parking Lot, but thought it must of been because everyone in the church is like a community.  So I left.  That's embarrassing in itself, but the more embarrassing part of the story wouldn't come until later that day in the evening.

I felt a strong urge to call my friend from the church to tell him how I thought the message he had portrayed that morning had to do with my life, because that morning I kind of didn't say anything but thanks after he said what God had put on his heart.  I felt like he deserved more depth than that.

He's a very busy person, so I texted him first asking him if I could call him to make sure it was an okay time to do so.  He responded back quickly so I called him, after getting distracted about other things.  So when I said I would call him in a second I really meant a half hour.

After calling him I realized how much of a terrible human being I was.  He thought that the message he had given me had upset me and that's why I left church so early.  He thought I had called him to yell at him, or explain why his message was wrong.  So basically the whole day since church I had probably made him worry and think I was mad at him when I truly wasn't at all, so it was a really good thing I called him or the next time we would of seen each other would have been really strange.  

Life is so Fragile

We often take for granted that we could easily die at any moment.  It could be an hour from now, a week, a month, a year, or far off in the future.  Only God knows when are last moments will be.  We can't waste our lives on selfish things.  God gives us so many wonderful experiences that are worth more than any value of money.  We shouldn't let money be one of the things that controls our lives while here on Earth,  Instead of pursuing money, we should give what we don't need, and pursue the life God has chosen for us.  If things weren't hard we wouldn't try to find God.  We would just expect that everything was being okay.  Life is so fragile though we often take for granted that our bodies even staying still need a lot to function properly and keep us alive. If our brains or hearts stopped working we would die.  So it is important that we glorify God and proclaim his greatness, and live a godly life in the short time we have on this Earth.  To love everyone without judgement,  to shine with the light of the Holy Spirit and love who he has made us to be.  We should be people's lights in the darkness, making their lives easier to live instead of being the one to make it miserable.  We should help that stranger, and smile kindly.

Its the first week back at college after Christmas break, and I've just been stressed out with worrying about what the future has in store for me this semester with 17 credits, and what seems like an impossible math course.  As well as much more homework then last semester.  Staying up to the late hours of the night is probably going to become a routine.  Which sucks for people like me who have 8a.m.  These struggles are nothing compared to the glory we'll be filled with in heaven, its also nothing compared to what Jesus had to suffer for us.  There are so many things to be grateful for.  For instance the diversity in the world.  God even created a diversity in laughter: hysterics, snorting, obnoxious, quiet.  He created so many different types of trees and animals some we don't even know exist yet.  We should be grateful for that smile on that little child's face that we see in passing, or when someone goes out and holds that door for you.  Our lives are amazing things and we have to learn to live them up to God's potential for us.

I want to build strong godly relationships with people and get to know who they are as people better.  There are so many interesting things that make up a persons life.  So many untold stories or memories and interests that we don't even know about.  That's just really neat.  I can't wait to see who God puts into my life.

The Benefits of College

I was in one of those moods this evening where I was angry with the world.  Probably because I actually have to go back to college tomorrow after a super long break.  As of now due to a blizzard in Kenosha two of my three classes have been canceled.  So there's a plus.  I don't know why I'm excited when I've literally been off for almost two-months now.  To get myself in a more positive mood about college I decided to make a list of the positive things college has to offer.

1) More intelligent people in classes.  You usually don't have those ignorant people trying to piss off your teachers.  Students who talk in class usually know what they're saying, and make intelligent comments.

2) It takes like a 5 minute walk to get to where your friend is living if they are on campus.  This allows you to plan hang out times and hang out a ton.

3) Coffee is available at multiple places on campus

4) Naps are totally acceptable.

5) No one makes fun of you for looking like a slobbish appearance because everyone usually looks like a slob on a daily basis.

6) Independence and Adulting:  You get to make decisions and be independent.  Some people struggle at adulting....(me)

7) People on campus are all around your age:  You won't have those awkward conversations about being in pain, strange symptoms, or bodily functions.  (But people my age kind of scare me as well)

8) You don't go to classes for 7 hours in a row.  This is really significant.  Over break I went over to the high school to help out with the special ed kids for like 2 hours on the days I went.  I left after there 7th out of 9 classes were completed and everyone in the hallways just looked like zombies and barely even to function,  (I'm so glad I don't have to deal with that anymore, I seriously feel for them.)

9) You can wake up 10 minutes before your class and still make it to class on time.

10) Lots of movie parties.  There's not a lot to do in the dorms so they are a lot of movie parties.

11) Usually cool events going on, on campus.  Like making chalk mugs, line dancing, flamingo decorating?

12) You can shower as long as you want without feeling bad.

13) It's way easier to meet up with your professors if you need help or advice on papers.

14) Usually teachers don't care if you're late if you don't make it a habit.

Its super late, and I really can't think of anything else right now, but if I think of anymore I will make a Part 2 possibly.