Coming from a family with a Christian background, I didn't think I had a testimony to give. Everyone seemed to have more interesting testimonies of how they found God after a series of events that had happened in their lives that led them to God. I learned this year however being born again doesn't start when you're baptized as an infant like I was. It's starts when the love of God flows through your body and you begin to have a relationship with him. Thinking about him and regarding him constantly, not just once a night or when you need something.
I always had a strong love for God ever since I was little and would enjoy going to Sunday school. The other kids didn't seen to like it and would make fun of me for actually being respectful of the teacher. So I was homeschooled for the Sunday school teachings for a few years not wanting to deal with these kids.
Like I said before I was really strong in my faith when I was young, believing that no one could just not believe in God but in 6th grade one of the girls in my Sunday school class asked "How do we know we go to heaven when we die, and how do we know God is real? Before that I didn't know such questions could be asked. It seemed so obvious to me that the existence of God was absolutely real. I began to have some doubt after this. What if God wasn't really real?
After this I had existential worries at night like everyone maybe questions at least once in their lives. Those questions that can't really be answered like who created God in the first place and who created them, or just the feeling of existence in the first place. The fact that were on this mound of land with other creatures like us. What was here before the world and existence where were we. I used to also worry about living for eternity. Living on forever and ever, but the thought that scared me most was not existing after I died. If there wasn't a heaven I would just cease to exist into the darkness.
Throughout high school I was apart of youth group every year besides my Junior year but for Catholics you had to go to Sunday school up until your Juior Year to be confirmed in the church. I absolutely adored going to these youth groups and felt strongly towards God especially during the retreats but after a few weeks the flame would die down and life would get in the way again. I thought there was no possible way I could love God anymore then I already did until I got to college. Where I learned how to put God first, and love him so much, even with a busy schedule.
It didn't start out that way in college. I took my freedom for granted and made mistakes. I put college before God, and didn't listen to him even when he made things clear to me that weren't good. He showed me by not listening to him things wouldn't be good. They would be broken, and I would be broken. The first month of college all I had were basically fake friend (except Laurette). Everyone either couldn't care less about me or lusted over me. I fell for the loser on my floor who had lusted over me, I was so stupid, but once he found out I wasn't just going to give myself to him so easily he cheated on me, and he would cheat on her, and the next girl, and is probably going to cheat on the next one too. As you can see, he makes bad choice, and definitely was not the one for me. He hurt me and I thought at the time revenge would be okay. But "The Bible" stopped me and taught me how to forgive.
He left and during my insecurity and brokenness my moment of weakness was taken advantage of. On campus there's this place called the den. It's basically a place where you can hang out with your friends at night. There a guy from one of my classes started talking to me. We talked a lot, and I mistakenly thought that he was a gift from God. Someone that would help me get over this brokenness I was feeling a new friend. He was none of those things but a good manipulator to a girl so blind by not seeking God's guidance.
About a week later he invited me back to his suite (red flag right there: If you barely know a guy and they invite you to your suite, your better off not going). He had exaggerated the fact we were just friends but when I got to his suite I soon realized that wasn't the case. His meaning of "friends" was "friends with benefits" I'm not going to go into detail about that whole thing. Just that he was so manipulative that he made things that definitely weren't okay, okay. I began to think the meaning of "friends with benefits" was okay, and how God would forgive me. (Your not suppose to test God's power by doing bad things even though you'll be forgiven that's not the point) I almost gave myself to him despite the fact I was extremely uncomfortable, about the whole thing. I had prayed the night before and was given the opportunity to escape. I cringe when I look back. I was so stupid.
During a Christian Retreat in October during a quiet time, God told me to get rid of him for good, and when I got back to campus I made sure I did. The loneliness and sadness returned.
About 2 weeks before the Christian Retreat I went to Cru. A person on the bridge told me about Cru on the 1st week of school and I was excited to join. They gave me the wrong information though, so I wasn't able to find it until the lastish week of September. It kind of scared me at first when I got there especially when an overenthusiastic guy with a giant smile welcomed me in (That's you Jeremy). That's about all I remember about my 1st night at Cru.
2 days after that, the guy from Cru was on my floor and invited me to bible study. At that time I thought that bible study sounded like the most boring idea in the world, but I went.
Little by little after the Fall Retreat my life began to improve 100%. It was due to God's ability to turn around any situation. Through pursuing him I was able to obtain a hunger for God. A hunger that led me to meet and form strong relationships with my other brothers and sisters in Christ. I was able to move out of the hall I hated, and become a person I was proud of being. You're never alone because God is always there and if you focus all your attention on him, he can do great things in your life.
(Well that was a novel, but I hope it was useful :) )
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